Not only one thing
The silence is getting scary because it allows my thoughts to shout, and what they are shouting are not always good things. In the silence, there’s so much noise. My mind becomes more active every time I manage to block the world outside. Most times I am fine with this peak in activity, but at moments I would like the silence to remain silent.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to still my mind, though I try. Until I manage to do that, I will try to pick what’s good from what’s going through my mind and use it to make my life better. This way of action allows me to make peace with everything, inside and outside. All of my feelings and all of my thoughts are part of me, even when they don’t do me good.
For a long time, I have managed this by having some kind of noise playing in the background, be it music, talking, or simply white noise. It seems to work most of the time, but when the sounds stop, I understand that it doesn’t. The time has come for me to sit down with myself in silence and acknowledge what is going on in my mind. There are many things I’ve been avoiding and they are going to come at me hard.
Instead of hiding from these parts of my mind, I must give them my attention, understand where they are coming from and find a way to make peace with them. Making peace will not be easy because I’ve been arguing with some of my thoughts for as far as I can remember. It was the only way I knew, until now.
Inside, I am alone. There is no one that can help me make sense of what is happening. Some parts of my mind are stronger than others and they are trying to always be in control. I can’t have that. I am the result of every part of my mind being present. Like all people, I am not only one thing. This means that every part of my mind needs to work as part of a team, not against each other.
When this happens, everything will change for the better.
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